"Lightbulb"
I had a terrible day last week. It was the culmination of a few bad days that caught up to me. It was ugly, and I was ashamed of how I acted. I was impatient. I was snappy. I was down right mean. I'm not trying to make excuses, but just so you understand the reasoning behind it I'll give you a little glimpse into the cause for this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. For the sake of your stomachs, it is lunchtime after all, I will spare you the smelly details though.
It all began Sunday evening when I was enjoying my luxurious solo trip to the grocery store and my phone rang. It was 'Babe.' That alone was not a good sign. All the moms know what I'm talking about. I was standing by the juice boxes trying to decide what to buy for Lorelai's lunch box. I answered and he said, "Get more Lysol. Lorelai just threw up." Ew. Before I could even fall asleep that night Seth woke up with a tummy ache and a fever. I think I got about 2 hours of broken sleep that night. That combined with the atrocities that stomach viruses inflict on not only the victim, but the person responsible for cleaning up after it has unleashed it's fury, was a recipe for disaster. It was oh so bad. I want to cry, and go wash my hands, just thinking about it.
One plus to stomach viruses is that they usually only last about 24 hours. Not this monster. Lorelai didn't end up needing anything for her lunch box all week. She missed every single day except Friday and only nibbled on her lunch that day. It was the pits for all involved. When make-up work was added to the mix the claws came out. Lorelai got frustrated at me taking too long to explain a math problem she was having trouble with and, as she was eyeballing the next paper in the stack, made the comment about this being the reason it didn't work out with her homeschooling. Well, excuse me for trying to teach her something when she was in a rush to get her work done. Heaven forbid she learn something, right? So, I went off on the 'real' reason it didn't work out. It was because she thinks she knows everything. How do I teach someone who refuses to listen to what I have to say because they think they already know it? Oh Lord, help me. For real. I am being chiseled. I am being molded and formed on the potter's wheel. It hurts and it makes me mad. It beats me down and makes me feel like a miserable, incapable, unworthy, hopeless failure.
I vented to Nick about it and gave him an ear full of everything that was wrong with me that night. I gave him every reason why I was the worst mom on the planet, and nothing I could ever do would ever change that because I was just innately horrible. He did what any good husband would and countered my negativity with compliments. His words meant so much, but it wasn't until the next day that the Holy Spirit shined His light on the subject.
I am not a miserable, unworthy, hopeless failure incapable of doing anything right. I may have acted like that at one point, or several points, in my life but that is not who I am. The only thing that I should let define me is what God's Word says I am. The moment I gave my life to Him I traded my sins for redemption. I don't have to remain the same and repeat my mistakes. None of us do when we have Him to rely on. Don't think that just because it's always been, it will always be. His grace gives us all the opportunity to shut the door on our past failures and leave the guilt and condemnation behind. His mercies are new every morning.
It's satan who wants us to wallow in self-pity and hopelessness and forfeit the greatness inside of us. We are our own worst enemies and defeat ourselves when we do that, but through Christ and His love for us we have hope for a better tomorrow.
It all began Sunday evening when I was enjoying my luxurious solo trip to the grocery store and my phone rang. It was 'Babe.' That alone was not a good sign. All the moms know what I'm talking about. I was standing by the juice boxes trying to decide what to buy for Lorelai's lunch box. I answered and he said, "Get more Lysol. Lorelai just threw up." Ew. Before I could even fall asleep that night Seth woke up with a tummy ache and a fever. I think I got about 2 hours of broken sleep that night. That combined with the atrocities that stomach viruses inflict on not only the victim, but the person responsible for cleaning up after it has unleashed it's fury, was a recipe for disaster. It was oh so bad. I want to cry, and go wash my hands, just thinking about it.
One plus to stomach viruses is that they usually only last about 24 hours. Not this monster. Lorelai didn't end up needing anything for her lunch box all week. She missed every single day except Friday and only nibbled on her lunch that day. It was the pits for all involved. When make-up work was added to the mix the claws came out. Lorelai got frustrated at me taking too long to explain a math problem she was having trouble with and, as she was eyeballing the next paper in the stack, made the comment about this being the reason it didn't work out with her homeschooling. Well, excuse me for trying to teach her something when she was in a rush to get her work done. Heaven forbid she learn something, right? So, I went off on the 'real' reason it didn't work out. It was because she thinks she knows everything. How do I teach someone who refuses to listen to what I have to say because they think they already know it? Oh Lord, help me. For real. I am being chiseled. I am being molded and formed on the potter's wheel. It hurts and it makes me mad. It beats me down and makes me feel like a miserable, incapable, unworthy, hopeless failure.
I vented to Nick about it and gave him an ear full of everything that was wrong with me that night. I gave him every reason why I was the worst mom on the planet, and nothing I could ever do would ever change that because I was just innately horrible. He did what any good husband would and countered my negativity with compliments. His words meant so much, but it wasn't until the next day that the Holy Spirit shined His light on the subject.
What I did yesterday does not define me.
I am not a miserable, unworthy, hopeless failure incapable of doing anything right. I may have acted like that at one point, or several points, in my life but that is not who I am. The only thing that I should let define me is what God's Word says I am. The moment I gave my life to Him I traded my sins for redemption. I don't have to remain the same and repeat my mistakes. None of us do when we have Him to rely on. Don't think that just because it's always been, it will always be. His grace gives us all the opportunity to shut the door on our past failures and leave the guilt and condemnation behind. His mercies are new every morning.
"The Lord's lovingkindness indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22-23
It's satan who wants us to wallow in self-pity and hopelessness and forfeit the greatness inside of us. We are our own worst enemies and defeat ourselves when we do that, but through Christ and His love for us we have hope for a better tomorrow.
"And this hope will not lead to disappointment.
For we know how dearly God loves us,
because He has given us the Holy Spirit
to fill our hearts with His love."
Romans 5:5
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