A Letter to Lorelai

I wrote the following letter to Lorelai when I was 7 months pregnant with her. My plan was to give it to her when she turned 18, but she found it recently and I was just as curious as she was as to what it said so I let her have a peak.

Dear Lorelai,

Hey sweet girl. Today is November 28, 2003, and I am a few short weeks away from seeing your beautiful face and holding you in my arms. I am so excited for that day to come. Even though you aren't here in person yet, you were already my Mother's Day gift this year. That was the day I found out that God had given you to your Daddy and me. Since then we have watched you grow inside my belly, and I have felt the changes in myself as I prepare for your arrival. We lay awake at night full of joy watching you tumble around in my belly and laugh because we are so amazed. I wake up in the middle of the night, and I can't go back to sleep because I am planning the details of your arrival in my head. I dream about what you will look like, and I rub my belly to comfort you.

Day by day the reality has set in that I am going to be a Mommy. I read every magazine and book about pregnancy and childbirth that I can get my hands on. I want to know all about this miracle that is happening inside me. I pray and trust God to form you according to His perfect will and to set you apart for His service. I pray that He will make me the person that He wants me to be so that I can be the best Mom for you. This has been a time for me to just sit back and marvel at God's sovereignty and rest in His care. I dream about the future and ask God to remind me not to rush your milestones. I want to enjoy every stage of your life.

At one of my doctors visits as we were listening for your heartbeat, we realized that my heartbeat was exactly half of yours. It was so neat to hear our hearts beating on top of each others. You could hear mine and yours together then yours all alone then mine with yours...it was incredible.

Then it was time to find out what you were at our ultrasound. Your Daddy was able to take off work to go with me, so we could both see you. We prayed that it would be clear and that you would be cooperative. Well, almost before we could even get the tape in to record it you were laying there with your legs spread wide apart like on a changing table. It was like you were saying, "Could I get anymore cooperative?" 

We could tell when you began to be able to hear us talking to you. One day when Daddy came home from work and talked into your microphone (my belly button that was about half an inch long!) you began to just flutter around like you were so glad he was home. His face lit up with joy. 

Then there were times when you would just be moving around so much, and I would tell him to come feel. As soon as he put his hand on me you would just freeze. I told him that you were stubborn like him, but I could tell you were just being playful.

I plan on giving this to you on your 18th Birthday, but if I know me I won't be able to wait that long. I just want you to know that we prayed for God to give us a child, and He sent you to us. He has a plan for your life. You were created for a very specific purpose. It is my prayer that as we train you up in the way you should go that you will not depart from it when you grow old. You are old enough to make your own decisions now, and I pray that what we have taught you will help you make the right choices. As a parent, I want you to know that I will always love you unconditionally. I hope that I have raised you to know that you can come to me if you need anything. My goal is to show you through my own frailty that everyone makes mistakes, but we have a Father who loves us so much that He send His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins so that we can have forgiveness. God's mercies are new every morning, and when we turn from our sins He forgets them. As you go through life, just remember that God is your judge. He is in control, and He loves you more than you can imagine. Thank you for being you.

I love you,

Mom