Letting go

Let me begin with a little disclaimer. This picture is not my original idea. The blog I got it from couldn't even claim it's originality, but it spoke to me just as it did her and I have a feeling it may speak to other moms as well. 

The whole idea behind it (or at least what I gathered) is that our children aren't ours. They belong to God. They are His children just like I am His child. I want my children to grow up to serve Him more than anything in the world, but God wants their commitment to Him even more than I do. He loves them more than I do, which is so hard to imagine. Unlike me, God is the ultimate parent. He is perfect. Yet, even His children disobeyed, and before they did He had a plan of redemption already in the works! My imperfect way of raising my children is not a guarantee of them straying from faith in God anymore than my best efforts will cause their faithfulness.

So I'm letting go and letting God.

"...Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in me (and my children) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

I'm giving up on my demands of perfection. After all, how can I demand of them what I have not yet achieved? I'm trading my expectations for relationship and mutual respect. I'm breaking the cycle of unrealistic expectations. You may know the one I'm talking about. You set all these rules that are impossible to follow then you get angry and overreact when your little people can't measure up to all the dos and don'ts. Which, in my experience, leads to resentment and defiance. While they are children in need of guidance and discipline, they are also people who need love and grace to follow any kind of rules, no matter their age.

Jesus replied, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them." John 14:23

Can love and friendship happen between children and their parents despite boundaries being set by the parents? I believe that it can't truly happen unless there are boundaries set! My husband and I are the authority God placed over them on this earth, and we accept that responsibility understanding it's high calling. We set rules, and there are consequences for breaking those rules. I have come to realize that it's not a question of if they will break them, but rather when? I mean, do we ever grow out of making mistakes? I haven't yet. Does God get angry and give up on us when we disappoint Him? Never. Instead, His loving-kindness draws up to repentance and back into righteous fellowship with Him.

"Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can't you see that His kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?" Romans 2:4

I want to talk more and demand less. I want to hug more and spank less. I want to smile more and yell less. I want laughter and silliness to take the place of anger and impatience. My expectations for outward obedience at all costs has to be less important than the condition of their hearts. I want their love then their obedience, not their obedience without their love. The latter kind of obedience isn't genuine and will not last. With God's strength I will model a life reliant on His grace as my imperfections continuously and transparently draw me to the cross where my need of a Savior is evident to their watching eyes. My desire is not to be there equal, but to be an example of what it looks like to live a life for God. I hope they see that I don't serve Him out of fear of what will happen if I don't. I serve Him because I love Him and I recognize some degree of His love for me.

"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

So, what does letting go and letting God mean? To me, it means doing my best and letting God do the rest, continually placing them in His hands (aka not worrying), and trusting that He is working all things together for their good according to Romans 8:28. The Bible says in John 6:44 that no man comes to Jesus unless God the Father draws him by His Holy Spirit. It is His Spirit, not my will forced upon them, that will keep them close to God.

"When He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all truth." John 16:13

I'm no expert by any means, but for me personally, knowing this truth has brought me peace and freedom in my parenting. It has released me from being my own worst critic. I now see the correlation between my Heavenly Father's role in my life as His daughter compared to my role as a parent to the children He has given me. It's an ongoing journey of partnership and compassion, not a means to an end. I show them how to live as God shows me. It's a vulnerable position to play unless there is the understanding of authority and the ability to trust that only good is intended. I have to be willing to admit that my ways, although good intended, are not perfect, but I know Who is.