What I didn't know was hurting me
It's a little bit dreary outside this morning, but that doesn't reflect my mood. I am deeply and utterly content for the first time in a very long time. I feel normal in my own quirky way. For so long I have felt like I'm living in an angry fog, which was so aggravating because I had no reason for being grumpy and sad all time. That's what I thought anyway. It turns out I did have a reason, and that reason was an underactive thyroid, or hypothyroidism. It turns out your tiny thyroid has quite a few big jobs; jobs that are quite important, especially for moms. Personally, I was extremely tired all the time. I didn't feel like getting out of bed in the morning even after a good night of sleep, which is not an option when little ones are depending on you for their survival. So, I'd get up and trudge through the day meeting basic needs in a less than patient manner. I'd go to bed ashamed of how I treated the ones I love the most and wake up the next morning continuing the vicious cycle. I felt like a failure.
I began to pray and believe for God to turn things around for me because I was tired of living a life less than what I knew He had paid a high price to give me. I wanted that abundant life spoken of in John 10:10. I began to reevaluate my life and ask myself what I wanted to change, and God answered my prayers! When we moved to Cameron I knew it was the beginning of a new chapter, the best chapter. In church we were always singing songs about our latter being greater than our past, and the phrase "The best is yet to come" invaded my thoughts. I knew God had, and still has, great things in store for our future.
A little while after we moved I set up an appointment for a yearly physical, or well check-up, provided by our insurance. They did the typical blood work and the results were high cholesterol, which warranted a talk about nutrition and exercise. There was also cause for concern with my thyroid, which led to three more blood tests spread over the next few months to monitor those levels. I began running again in the middle of all of that, which led to losing at least 15 pounds. I haven't weighed in months so I don't know what the final tally was. It was a considerable change, though, because several people still comment on how much weight I've lost. That's a nice side effect to doing something I love and had missed so much! Wouldn't you say?
I was prescribed Levothyroxine in October and honestly struggled with my decision to start taking it. I hated the thought of having to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life. It was a little scary to hear that if I started it I could never stop taking it. I struggled with the fact that I know God can heal. He has healed me personally so many times, so no one can convince me otherwise. So, was I faithless for accepting the diagnoses and treatment? Fear is the opposite of faith, and I refuse to live in fear. I am convinced that God is good and loving and can be trusted, so I cast out fear if it tries to sneak in my life. This was no different, and after praying about it I received peace to fill the prescription knowing that my faith was not in that pill. God gives doctors knowledge to care for our physical bodies and it is OK to accept that help. My children may not be here if I hadn't accepted advanced medical care for them. I may not still be here if it weren't for doctors! Doctors are good, but ultimately my help comes from the Lord. I trust Him and He guides and directs my paths. This whole experience is a testimony to that. I do not fear the idea of me having to quit taking this pill for any reason because I know God is able to keep me. The bottom line is that healing on this earth or not, I have a promise of something much greater that no man can ever take away from me. When I leave this earth I will live eternally in a place with no sickness, no pain, no loss, and no tears. I believe such a thing is possible even before I get there, and that is what I'm striving for. That gives me hope and drives away any fear I might have.
For more information on your thyroid, see The American Thyroid Association.
Then there was the forgetfulness and overall foggy brain. I thought something was wrong with me mentally. I really did. Thankfully, it wasn't permanent like I feared, although that is debatable. I couldn't understand why I couldn't remember important things. That made me sad, and it made me feel stupid. I felt overwhelmed and unable to carry on a logical conversation with friends. It was really frustrating and left me feeling isolated, which wasn't helped by the fact that I really was isolated. I lived in the middle of nowhere and was alone with my three children plus kids I babysat with no means of leaving the house. All day everyday we were stuck at home. I'm probably exaggerating a bit, but this was the case the majority of the time. That alone is enough to drive just about anyone crazy.
I began to pray and believe for God to turn things around for me because I was tired of living a life less than what I knew He had paid a high price to give me. I wanted that abundant life spoken of in John 10:10. I began to reevaluate my life and ask myself what I wanted to change, and God answered my prayers! When we moved to Cameron I knew it was the beginning of a new chapter, the best chapter. In church we were always singing songs about our latter being greater than our past, and the phrase "The best is yet to come" invaded my thoughts. I knew God had, and still has, great things in store for our future.
A little while after we moved I set up an appointment for a yearly physical, or well check-up, provided by our insurance. They did the typical blood work and the results were high cholesterol, which warranted a talk about nutrition and exercise. There was also cause for concern with my thyroid, which led to three more blood tests spread over the next few months to monitor those levels. I began running again in the middle of all of that, which led to losing at least 15 pounds. I haven't weighed in months so I don't know what the final tally was. It was a considerable change, though, because several people still comment on how much weight I've lost. That's a nice side effect to doing something I love and had missed so much! Wouldn't you say?
I was prescribed Levothyroxine in October and honestly struggled with my decision to start taking it. I hated the thought of having to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life. It was a little scary to hear that if I started it I could never stop taking it. I struggled with the fact that I know God can heal. He has healed me personally so many times, so no one can convince me otherwise. So, was I faithless for accepting the diagnoses and treatment? Fear is the opposite of faith, and I refuse to live in fear. I am convinced that God is good and loving and can be trusted, so I cast out fear if it tries to sneak in my life. This was no different, and after praying about it I received peace to fill the prescription knowing that my faith was not in that pill. God gives doctors knowledge to care for our physical bodies and it is OK to accept that help. My children may not be here if I hadn't accepted advanced medical care for them. I may not still be here if it weren't for doctors! Doctors are good, but ultimately my help comes from the Lord. I trust Him and He guides and directs my paths. This whole experience is a testimony to that. I do not fear the idea of me having to quit taking this pill for any reason because I know God is able to keep me. The bottom line is that healing on this earth or not, I have a promise of something much greater that no man can ever take away from me. When I leave this earth I will live eternally in a place with no sickness, no pain, no loss, and no tears. I believe such a thing is possible even before I get there, and that is what I'm striving for. That gives me hope and drives away any fear I might have.
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:6-11
For more information on your thyroid, see The American Thyroid Association.
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